Something crazy is happening here. It doesn’t sit in my head at all.
It is one of those obscene curve balls that Hashem throws; the kind
where you have to move your head so fast, that you become dizzy as you
recover position.
My Rabbi and Rebbetzin are in trouble. My spiritual parents are in trouble. It brings tears to my eyes. It makes my chest tighten. It makes my soul shudder.
I
have to curse. Excuse me. “What the hell is going on here Hashem?” How
could it be that these people who made me, and so many other lives are
in such crisis. It doesn’t make any sense.
What do I mean, "made me?" I will explain, but first I will preface with the following memory.
I
looked deep into her eyes at her daughter’s wedding. I cried. She
cried. I wanted to say Mazel Tov. I wanted to shower her with brachas.
But I couldn’t. There were no words. As she sat there at the Kabbalos
Panim, the emotion flowing between us was indescribable. It runs too
deep.
Trying to capture what I feel for them and
who they are is also almost an impossible task, but I will try because
if it arouses you to “share and give” it will affect their lives just as
they effected mine.
I thought she was an angel.
The way she ever-so-gracefully moved across the dining room and invited
me to stay for Kiddush. I had visited their Chabad House for services a
few times but always escaped before I was noticed. But that time she
caught me. And thank G-d for that.
I sat there
shokeling to and fro at the Shabbos table where 30 or more people sat.
He said, “Something is up with you.” He saw right through my guf right
into my neshama. He knows how to do that.
They
nurtured me. Cared for me. Pampered me. Taught me. Loved me. Guided me.
Pushed me a little. Helped me. Showed me the way. They held open their
arms and pointed to the path that I was so desperately wanted to follow.
They helped me walk on it. Actually, they taught me how to walk.
“This
is Shabbos, dear Chana. These are Shabbos candles. No we don’t write on
Shabbos Chanaleh. And this is kosher and this is not… And Chana, you
can do it and you can even show the next one how to do it too. "
Everything
I am today spiritually; the way I conduct my Jewish home, the way I
raise my kinderlach, the way I interact with the world, the way I act in
my world, i.e., the way I process, the way I teach others, the way I
reach out…it is all because of them.
In other words… I am a Jewish woman, I am a wife, I am a mommy, I am a Shlucha. Only because of them.
Mamish. They made me.
Hashem
I need to you change the forecast. I need you to comfort their hearts,
squeeze their hands, stroke their faces, take away their stress and wipe
their tears in a revealed way. They have made people mamish. They have
made shluchim mamish. How many have they turned onto your path? How many
souls have they saved? Please have mercy on their strong yet sensitive
neshamas in this world. Let them continue to make waves in shaymayim in
the heart of the Gold Coast. All they want to do is the Rebbe’s mission
as lamplighters. Theirs' is a light that wont go out. Please, please
keep their fire burning at 1236 N. Dearborn.